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Who am I?

Lord, who am I to be? Lord, there I was in early spring, a tiny bud upon the branch of life, tiny, convoluted, almost non-existent. Frost in the air, frost in the ground, frost in my heart, frost in my mind. Lord, who am I to be?

Lord, there I am in burgeoning spring, an opening bud upon the branch of life, tentative, unsure, aware of my existence. Glimmer of your warmth, gentle shower of your refreshing. Lord, who am I to be?

Lord, here I am in summer-time, opening flower upon the branch of life, aware of Your love, open to Your power, colours revealing, scent in the air. Lord, who am I to be?

Lord, in the full blaze of summer, fragrant flower upon the branch of life, revelling in beauty, intoxicated by fragrance, Lord, is this who I am meant to be?

Lord, in the autumn: winter, Dropped petals fall upon the grass; entirely, completely, eternally in the fragrance of your embrace. THIS IS WHO I WAS MEANT TO BE.

And as the petals lay strewn around may there be no tinge of remorse, regret; but the lingering, sweet fragrance of a benediction.

Several years ago a dear friend, who has since gone to be with the Lord, woke in the middle of the night and, inspired by the Holy Spirit, wrote this poem. He’d never written a poem before and when I first read I was deeply touched and encouraged, not least because this was a question I’d asked many times, ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What am I here for?’

I don’t think I’m alone in this - these are the deep questions many people wrestle with. They don’t see themselves as God’s amazing and intricate creation, in which He’s sown the immense potential to grow and develop into a unique and beautiful person; to bloom for Him, to pour out to others the fragrance of Jesus and, ultimately, give glory back to their Creator God.

Many of us can identify with the first verse, ‘tiny, convoluted, almost non-existent’. We see ourselves as insignificant and worthless, and because of the circumstances of life all we can see is ‘frost in the air, frost on the ground, frost in my heart, frost in my mind’. We’ve bought into the enemy’s lie that for us there’s no potential to grow and blossom at all. Or because we haven’t dared to open up to the warmth of God’s love, allowing it to permeate deep into the core of our being and nurture us into the fullness of life, we decide we can make this tiny bud into something worthwhile ourselves. Instead of developing into the beautiful, fragrant rose God created us to be - we become an artificial rose. We might decide to be a titanium rose, perfect, with no blemishes, so strong it can never be crushed. We use our strengths to take control, at the expense of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and open to God. We don’t drink in His love, allowing His grace to nurture, restore and mature us into all He wants us to be.

For me the final verse of the poem is the most poignant. If we buy into the lies of the enemy that for us there’s no potential to blossom and grow we remain in that place of hopelessness, robbed of ever coming into our God-given destiny. If we spend our lives perfecting our own titanium rose we may do many good things, but there’s something missing. We can’t radiate the fragrance of Jesus - that outward shining of His inward being. But if we dare to let go of our defences, allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and open our hearts to the warmth of God’s love, by His grace we will come into the beautiful potential He sowed into each one of us, ultimately giving glory back to Him.

And when we eventually go to be with Him we’ll know the inestimable joy of being fully in His embrace … and here on earth we’ll leave ‘the lingering, sweet fragrance of a benediction’ – a prayer of thanksgiving, a blessing unto Him.

Prayer: Father God, Thank You for Your amazing love for me. Please help me to open my heart to receive it today, to let go of any control, and allow You to perform Your work of grace in my life. I want to come into the fullness of life You’ve prepared for me and give glory back to You, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
 

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Scripture

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."
Romans 5:1-2, NKJV

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Today's Writer

Julie Smith is married to Roger, and they have two grown up children. Having received deep healing in her own life, primarily through ministry at Ellel Grange and then attending the Modular School at Glyndley Manor, she went on to join the Glyndley associate ministry team. She now works part-time for the International Director’s Office and is an associate teacher for the ministry. She is passionate to see others restored and released into the abundant life Jesus won for us all.

Julie Smith


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